Still more grossness

This post is a follow up, and still not for the faint of heart! On October 17, I had a drain put in the hematoma area since just aspirating wasn't doing the trick. The drain was painful and miserable and then, all by itself it fell out last Friday. It's called a pigtail drain because the part that goes in your body is curled like a pigtail, or a hook, and is supposed to be really hard to get out unless you cut the string that makes it go straight. But, mine came out, still all curled.. Sunday I started feeling flu-ish and had a temp. Once you've had cancer, everyone gets very excited about temps because it could signal an infection and they get very concerned about that. So I called on Monday and sure enough, they thought it was likely an infection and got me started on an antibiotic. Today, Tuesday, I went in to see the doc and she confirmed that it's an infection. Now, read no further if you can't handle blood, gore, and general nastiness. Hmm, you're still reading....okay then......Well she decided she needed to open me up right then and there and get all the fluid/blood out. That I kind of expected. But, to make it heal we have to keep it open. So she made about an inch long incision down to my chest wall (not really as bad as it sounds since really all I have now is chest wall!) and squished the fluid/blood out. No pus so that was good (I told you this was gross). This is where it gets really gross though. We have to keep it open so that it heals from the bottom up. If she let it just close up on it's own, the infection would still be in there and it would just puff up again. So to keep it open, she packed it with about 16 inches of narrow gauze....like a snake. The gauze will act like a wick and pull the yuckiness out. Then I have a bandage over the incision to collect the yuckiness. By their account, this bandage will get "drenched" and I'll need to change it frequently at first until it starts to heal. But here's the fun part: twice a day I get to pull the old gauze out, pack the wound with new gauze, and then bandage it up. I have to keep everything super sterile and they gave me my own snazzy doctor scissors and tweezers to use. Along with a bunch of extra long Q-tips which are what I'll use to pack the gauze into the wound. Geesh...should have been a nurse. No, this is why I'm NOT a nurse!!!

I have handled a lot of things done to my body. From getting my wisdom teeth pulled with just novocaine at the regular dentist (apparently others my age all went to oral surgeons...who knew??), to surgery on my feet in high school, and now all the assorted things I've had done to get rid of the breast cancer. Each one has been no big deal. Well, maybe not no big deal but I've taken it in stride. A couple of core biopsies. A D&C last summer. Innumerable IVs and pokes. My breast after the lumpectomy looked like a mack truck had driven over it and I had to take care of the incision. The bi-lateral mastectomy, well, you can imagine the aftermath of that, but remember I had two drains then and two pain pump tubes going in at the top. Four tubes going into one's body is a lot to manage and care for! Then this last drain. When it fell out, I was pretty woozy by the whole thing. So I am not to sure how I will manage this. The idea of pulling bolld-soaked gauze OUT of my body and then PACKING new stuff back in....I have to admit I'm not sure I'm up for this. She said I can go to urgent care, go to the ER, or go to their office and have it done, but really? Twice a day? So I'm thinking I just have to suck it up and remember that this too will pass. There were some tears in the doctors office today. Not from pain, but emotional tears. The saying "It's always something" has been very true in my case and to be honest, it's been exhausting. I am just so tired of being sick and of having to do things I never thought I would have to do. But, then I remind myself, I am here. I AM HERE. Three very powerful words that I am fortunate and grateful to be able to say. And as long as I am here, I can handle the gross stuff. Well, no guarantees I won't barf while doing it.... but I can do it!

Not for the faint of heart

Hello again! So let me warn you in advance...this post is a little gory. It has nothing to do with cancer....but a side-effect I am experiencing from the surgery and PT. Not sure why I feel the need to blog about it, maybe because it involves blood and grossness and we are approaching Halloween afterall.

So, almost a month ago, I noticed a large swollen area along my left side-chest area. This area was involved in the surgery and the radiation so has had a tough few months. I thought it was a seroma. A pocket of fluid that builds up following surgery. I guess surgery leaves space, and sometimes fluid will build up and fill it up. So I scheduled to see my surgeon but she couldn't see more for another week. The thing is kind of hard, painful, just sort of nasty so I was eager to get it off. Plus it's on the side where the cancer was so psychologically having another "mass" there is disquieting. If you fan your fingers really wide, and imagine a hot dog along the tops of your fingers from your index to your ring finger, that gives you a sense of shape and size. It even curves like that. So I go in and she's unsure why I'd develop a seroma this late after surgery. But as she drains it, she gets all happy because it's blood. Surgeons are weird. Anyway, she says it's a good thing because a seroma this late would be odd, and seromas are harder to get to go away. So she's all happy and keeps wanting to show me. I look over and it's a freakin' turkey-baser sized syringe filled with oogy old dark blood. YUCK!!! The area deflates right down, feels better immediately, and I'm a happy camper. It's a hematoma and the doc said it's likely that the PT inadvertently tore a vessel while working on me. The tissues and vessels are pretty fragile I guess from all the radiation and it's not uncommon to have this happen, so it's not the PT's fault at all (although she feels bad about it).  So the little vessel bled and clotted, and the swelling was the clot being broken down by my body. It was all old, dark blood. No new blood or bleeding. Eventually it would reabsorb all by itself, but since it was painful and interfering with my range of motion and mobility, draining it was the way to go. She said I should be all set, it shouldn't come back, and I was good to go. Awesome :)

Three days later, like a marshmallow in the microwave, it puffed all up again. Except it's not soft like a marshmallow! It's hard again and painful and danged annoying. So another week goes by before I can get in again. She drains it again. This time the poking really hurts. And, she could only get about half of it to drain and said it would probably just fill right up again. So, we can keep aspirating it, or insert a surgical drain. Yuck. Having drains dangle out of your body is not fun, but neither is being stuck with a turkey-baster syringe every week either.  So I opted for the drain. Easy procedure she says....it's called a "pigtail" drain and they can just pop it in the same day using ultrasound as a guide, no big deal. So I call to get that set up and um, it's a little more involved than that. Once again, I had to wait a week (seems to be the magic time frame) and my appointment is tomorrow. I have to be at Skyridge at 7:30 am and Bruce has to take me. They'll knock me out with "conscious sedation" so I'll be somewhat coherent and able to follow simple directions, but pretty out of it otherwise and with no memory of it. I've been told I'll reveal all my deep dark secrets......so sorry docs, it's gonna be a boring morning. Then they'll watch me for an hour or so after and make sure I'm all awake and then Bruce can take me home. I don't know how long I'll wear it for but it will be smaller than the mastectomy drains so I am hoping it won't be a big deal to take care of it. But yikes, who knew? Sorry if you are totally grossed out now. My family was when I told them and they made me stop talking about it!

So if you recall, at my last oncology appointment in September the docs called me "medically boring." I guess my body took offense and decided to shake things up a bit. But, this too shall pass :)

Side effects, schmide effects

Wow...so it's been since mid-July since I last posted. Not a lot has happened, which is a good thing I guess! In fact, at my last oncologist visit in September they called me "medically boring." Well, I've been trying to change that. Nothing major, but I've developed a hematoma. Sounds worse than it is. But on my left side, I have a lump. No no no! Not THAT kind of lump. But a swelling, is that a better word? Turns out at some point, probably in PT, a vessel was torn. Apparently that's not uncommon after a surgery like mine and radiation. The radiation makes everything pretty fragile for awhile. So the vessel tore and clotted off and my body is breaking the clot down. To do that tho, it makes it all swell up. I've had it drained twice now, and < GORE ALERT > they use a turkey baster-type syringe and it's all old blood that comes out. Ewww. It's pretty gross. I could let it go and eventually my body would reabsorb it all, but it hurts. So, since it came back after the first draining within days, and the doc thinks it'll fill back up again, the next step is to put in a little drain put in that will stay in for awhile. Not as big as the drains after my surgery, but a little one that would stay in awhile. I'm not thrilled about that, but if that's what it takes to make this go away and feel better than that's what I'll do. It restricts my range of motion on my left so I can't stretch as well, which is making everything tight again and hurty, and it's very uncomfortable sleeping. To prevent lymphedema, my PT has me wearing my compression sleeve and glove every day. She doesn't want any of the fluid from the hematoma going in my arm. I don't know if it can do that, but I'm a cooperative sort of gal and try to follow directions so I'm wearing the dang thing. It's a hot look. The glove is a half-glove so I've got sort of an early-Madonna thing going on. I should bedazzle the thing, add some lace....

But other than a handful of side-effects, I am doing great. Besides, what's a few side-effects right? I'll take it. Mostly I'm still pretty tired. I have a weird nerve twinge off and on in one of my toes. This hematoma-thingy. Some memory issues -- especially related to appointments so I have to write everything down! Some aches and pains... ironically the med I take to strengthen my bones also causes bone pain. My vertigo is a little worse--if I turn my head sometimes it makes me woozy-- which is a side-effect of the Femara, the estrogen suppressant I take (which also causes hot flashes!). And Bruce and I went on a hike a few weeks ago that painfully highlighted my lack of stamina. But like I said, I'll take it. Sure as hell beats the alternative. Plus many of my female friends, of a certain age such as myself, report many of the same issues! So who knows what is disease-related, treatment-related, or just plain age-related!!

I have another month til my PET scan. I admit I'm rather nervous about the whole thing but really trying to focus on the moment and do what I can to promote my health and mental well-being. Setting boundaries is a major goal these days so I don't get overwhelmed or over-extended. It's hard to say no, but sort of liberating too. I don't have to be involved in everything and the sun still comes up the next day! Go figure! So keep me in your prayers, keep sending those positive thoughts, and I'll let you know how things go next month.