So it's Sunday, and tomorrow I start radiation. I am excited to get going even though tomorrow will just be the spot on my spine. Amazing that they can do 10 zaps on that and it'll be gone. They want to zap the lymph nodes around my left breast too, but I have to get my arm up over my head for them to be able to do that. My first visit with them was last Wednesday, and I couldn't get my arm anywhere near over my head! So I've been stretching like a fiend. Probably too much those first couple of days so I've backed off a little. I can see progress, but I'm not sure I can get it over my head and as open as they want to see by tomorrow. That was my plan, but we'll see. If not, I'll keep working it and I plan to get into PT this week so that should help. As soon as I can get it up there without feeling like I'm being torn limb from limb, they'll start the rads up there too. After radiation, I'll get scanned again and we'll see how I am doing and what's next. Hopefully it will be clean and all we'll have to do is finish up the liver and I'll be good to go again!
In the meantime, I've just been trying to be more active and get out of the house more. When I sit around the house too much, even tho it's good for resting and all, I tend to get a little blue (ok sometimes a lot blue) so it's better for me to get out, have somewhere to go, etc., even though it tires me out and makes me sore! Sometimes I get grumpy and think to myself "This is not the way I planned to spend my summer!" Or even worse, "Look at all these healthy people without a care in the world!" Now I know that's not true, not fair, and horribly selfish of me and I quickly wish them all good health and blessings to counteract my crabbiness. I know everyone has their issues, but sometimes it does feel like I'm from a different planet but no one knows because on the outside I look just like them. Plus, gosh darn it, I had things to do this summer! Our annual trek to Breckenridge for the 4th of July, races to run, kayaking to enjoy, and just kicking back and relaxing. But I have to remind myself, every day, and often every hour, that no one knows what's in store for them. You read about people dying in car accidents or just recently here in Denver a police officer was hit and killed by a drunk driver while he was performing a traffic stop. Awful, just awful. There is no guarantee for any of us. In some ways, that is a freeing thought because it reminds us to be in the moment, enjoy the breeze, enjoy the noise, and enjoy the things that normally we would take for granted or even be annoyed by. So take a minute to enjoy where you are, right now, at this very minute that you are reading this. Close your eyes and drink it in.
And as for Breckenridge? So we'll go later for a longer visit when I am done with radiation. Races and kayaking? I'll get there, just maybe not this summer. Kicking back and relaxing? Not sure I'll ever really get there again but I plan to get much closer!! But in the meantime, I have lots of time to spend with family and friends over the next few weeks while I am doing radiation and plan to take advantage of it! I'll do my radiation in the morning, then have time to meet friends for coffee, go to the zoo, hit some museums, build up my stamina with some short hikes with friends, go to the movies, hang out with my daughter, and spend time with my husband, and the list goes on! I've always dreamed of writing a children's book and now would be the perfect time to work on that. Every day is a gift, whether you have cancer or not, so open it up and enjoy it! No use worrying about what is next until next becomes now. I need to get that tattooed on my forehead. :)
Much love to you all. My family and friends are my strength through all this so don't ever underestimate the power of your support!
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