Hi. I am doing much better this week post surgery!! I was kind of surprised how hard that first week was. I've had surgery before, but this was more than I was expecting. My doctor warned me, but I thought oh that won't be me....I'll be fine in a day or two. Wrongo! I think some of it was mood-based and I've read that anesthesia can trigger some depression...but I felt hit by a really big, really mean truck and didn't like it at all. Oh well, much better this week!
We saw my surgeon yesterday for my post-op visit and despite how lousy I felt last week, she said I am healing "remarkably" well and she's very pleased with my healing. My incisions look great (well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all) and no concerns. She said my drains were close to being ready to come out (yay!) and that I was ready for radiation (double yay!). As of today, I've reached the criteria for getting the drains out so will do that tomorrow (triple yay!). As for my "remarkable" healing, I have to attribute that to some extent at least to all the meditating and focusing on healing I have been doing, my reiki, and all the positive thoughts, prayers and energy being sent to me by my family and friends. It truly is amazing to be the recipient of so much love and caring and it's making a difference.
Today, we saw the radiation oncologist. A different guy than I saw last time. The guy last time was good, but I just wasn't feeling it again to go back to him so I am seeing the one at Skyridge instead. He's a huge bald man who rides a red and white scooter to work. How can that not inspire confidence?? He wants to do 7 weeks and be aggressive which is fine by me. The typical course of radiation is 6-7 weeks. My oncologist said we'd do 4-5 weeks. But the radiation guy knows best on this so if wants to zap me for 7 weeks I am all for it. Since I've had radiation to the breast before, there are some possible risks, but nothing we can't handle. They can avoid the area of the previous tumor to some degree but they actually want to zap that again too. But the skin there is thinned and damaged from the radiation before so can become more damaged with more radiation.Worst case scenario I would develop an ulcer or sore there that wouldn't heal and I'd need a skin graft. Okay, not great, but it's not going to cause more cancer so I can handle it. They'll zap my spine at the same time and that will take just 10 visits so 2 weeks. So when can I start?? Tuesday! What about measurements and the simulation?? We can do that today! Yay! So off we went to the CT scan but dagnabbit I couldn't get my left arm up over my head for them to do the measurements. So that is my mission....get that arm up and over my head by Monday so we can do the measurements then and start the radiation on Wednesday. They did the measurements for the spine and they'll start treatment for that on Monday. I go again on Friday for "films" for my spine...whatever that is. It all got a little confusing as she was planning out my schedule. On Wednesdays, they have complimentary 30 minute massages paid for by the hospital by therapists with oncology background. No openings til June 20 but I'll be taking advantage of that for sure too. I knew there was a reason to stay at Skyridge!
The radiation oncologist also talked a little about what to do about my liver. He had three options which was nice to hear and we talked a little about each one. Not sure which one will be best for me, maybe one where they send in little radioactive beads that infiltrate the liver. So we'll see. Just nice to know there are options!
The only negative from today is that the radiation guy is thinking maybe I need a brain scan just to be sure nothing is going on up there. Now I hear the snickering, and many of you think nothing's been going on up there for quite some time...ha ha....but since I am prone to headaches, am having some dizziness (which I think is related to my surgery and barely eating for 10 days), and that it did go to my spine even while on chemo he's thinking we should check that out. So we'll see...he was going to check with my oncologist. I don't have any glaring symptoms and I know it's better to see what's there than not, but the stress and anxiety when I get these scans is pretty unbearable and I was just starting to feel better!
That's all for now. I am happy to be starting radiation soon!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, Monday......
So we went on Monday to see the oncologist, get the pathology results from the surgery, and start some treatment. My last visit with the oncologist didn't go so great, so I have been working very hard on changing my attitude, changing my thoughts, and opening myself up to alternative treatments to support my recovery. Not that what the oncologist said was bad, but it just wasn't as good as I had hoped. So I dived into meditation (which I love like an addiction now), added turmeric and green tea extract to my daily regimen, and have been reading and doing a lot of soul-searching, literally. I have been really focused on healing and embracing all the healing thoughts, prayers, and positive energies sent my way in a very intentional way. And, trying to figure out what is missing in my life that allowed cancer to sneak back in. Focusing 24/7 on healing is exhausting, and soon I hope to find more balance, but that's where I was last week. After the brief euphoria of the surgery was over, I felt myself slipping into gloominess again and had to fight my way back. Like I said, exhausting.
So this past Monday was the day to see the oncologist and start the bone strengthener. I am still scratching my head a little over this, but the meeting went very well and I was filled with hope and energy by the end. I don't know if he'd had more time to really look at my results and think about my treatment, or if all that focusing on healing and having confidence in my doctors helped (I like to think it did!) but he painted a much more positive picture for my treatment than before. And things can start quickly and some can be done simultaneously. So here's the scoop. The pathology from the surgery showed it was multifocal, lots of crap going on in my breast, even some DCIS. Not a surprise there. It did show that of the 11 lymph nodes removed, 9 had cancer-stuff going on. This surprised my doc because on the PET and the MRI, my lymph nodes didn't light up. So, he says there was stuff in there, but not real active, but we still need to get rid of it. Since I had radiation before on that breast, radiation again had been out of the picture. But Monday he was saying since the lymph nodes are not on the chest wall and since my prior radiation wasn't the whole breast, just directly where the tumor was, we can do radiation again. Ok, cool. But what about the spot on my back, that was next in line for radiation I said. He said, oh we can do it at the same time. No waiting to do one area, and then the other. Sweet! So I'll be like a burger....cook me up on one side, flip me over, and cook me a little more. Sounds good to me!
So on to the liver. Last time he said there was a little change and you may recall I had 3 spots that lit up on my liver. Well, on Monday he says 2 spots are gone (these are the same results mind you...no new tests) and not visible on the PET or the CAT scan. I guess the PET scan provides a simultaneous CAT scan....didn't know that. The CAT shows structures and the PET shows metabolic activity. A tumor will show up on a CAT, and if it's eating lots of sugar it will light up as a hot spot on the PET. So spot #3, the biggest of the 3, no longer shows up as a structure but still lights up on PET. He said this means there's not a mass or tumor, but still some cancerous stuff going on in there. Ok so what do we do about that? Previously he had been talking about treating the liver like a chronic disease with meds and intermittent chemo to keep it at bay but that I probably wasn't a candidate for radiation there. That was the biggest bummer about that previous meeting. But Monday he starts talking about some radial-taxic (or something!) procedure that is a one-time zapping of the spot and that he'll find out where I need to go to get that done since not everyone does it. He had talked about this before, but seemed to have discarded it as an option. The radiation consult could be this week or next and I can get started on that as soon as I am healed enough from the surgery. He said probably 4, maybe 5 weeks of radiation (5 days a week). Six weeks is the usual, and my dad did 7, so I told him I would do seven too if it made a difference! Then I am thinking the radial-taxic whatever could happen right after that. Or maybe during...who knows? I didn't think to ask that question but it sounded like that would be after. Zap me, fry me, do whatever needs to be done!
He also had been talking about starting me on a medication to systemically suppress any estrogen I have left in my body to basically starve the remaining cancer cells. Like Tamoxifen, but for post-menopausal women. So I asked when can I start that, and he looked at his watch and said how long does it take you to get to the pharmacy? So I started the generic of Femara on Monday evening. He also reassured me that the muscle pull like feeling in my thigh is indeed a muscle pull (my thighs were included in all the testing) and that the scan is comprehensive to the knee. Rarely does anything happen below the knee. So that made me feel better. It's really easy to start thinking that every new tweak and pain is a new spot.
So it was just a strange meeting and both Bruce I and were like, this is very different in tone and treatment options than last time but not because of any new results, just seemingly a change in perspective.....but whatever the difference I am so grateful and felt so energized!
After the meeting it was onward into the infusion room to start my bone strengthener. They were slammed and it took awhile to get it started. My favorite infusion nurse was there.....I think I wrote about him in a previous blog when he was subbing at Skyridge. We had to go to Rose on Monday since my doc was leaving town on Tuesday for the rest of the week, he splits his time between Rose and Skyridge. Anyway this nurse was just awful, to me, to my visitors, to everyone. I even had really good veins still back then and he couldn't find one. Now they suck and I was just cringing about him doing my IV. So I am watching him and the lady nurses and it looks like I'm about to be assigned to him. Bruce had stepped out for a minute, so I went over to the two other nurses and asked them if they could take care of me because I had had him down at Skyridge and it was very "unpleasant." I tried to be nice, but assertive. They didn't bat an eye and said no problem. When she came over to get me started I tried to mitigate it a little and said that maybe he was just having a bad day that day, but she muttered something about yea maybe. He did seem nicer to the other patients than he had been at Skyridge, but just something about him. I guess they can't all be amazing.
My infusion went fine, finding a vein was tough but she did and it's a quick drip...about 16 minutes and then a little more for some saline. All went well. She pulled out the IV and it was time to go when I started to feel wrong. Bruce went and got the nurse. My chest tightened, and if I breathed too deep it would trigger coughing. I was coughing some stuff up and just escalating. My doc came in, the nurse started a new IV and they gave me steroids and benedryl. They put oxygen on me. The nurse supervisor came over and held my hand and talked me off the ledge so to speak, another oncologist was standing nearby and my favorite infusion nurse was helping too. I had my eyes closed and was trying to keep my breathing as calm as I could but could hear the flurry of activity around me. It was very scary and I'm still not sure what it was. Typically the drug I was getting doesn't cause an allergic reaction, but they felt that is what it was. Just weird that it was at the end of the infusion. I've also had that happen before, just not to that degree, after every round of chemo. I'd noticed that about 2-3 days post infusion, the nausea would go away but my chest, right in the middle, would feel pressure and I would cough more throughout the day. More of an annoyance than anything else. I talked with my doc about it and they thought it might be heartburn or reflux. Chemo can cause the stomach to create more acid so we tried a few different meds to help with that but I really didn't notice a difference. Bruce said as he watched me, it looked exactly like what he has experienced with a really bad reflux attack. So I don't know what it was. Allergic reaction, weird reflux experience. I hadn't been eating so it makes sense that whatever was in my tummy was just acid and maybe the infusion triggered something. The Benedryl helped tho, but made me very sleepy and kind of clouded over the happy and energized feeling I was having so I was bummed about that. I'm back on the reflux medication so we'll see if that helps anything and I am sure that when I get the bone strengthener again (it's monthly) they'll prime me with benedryl first. Bruce and I were thinking my poor body is probably just so tired of things being pumped into it! That night, the doc said to watch for a temperature. That 5% of people will spike a temp and that's it's nothing to worry about and just treat it with Advil. Each time, the temp will go down and after a few infusions it won't happen anymore. I was so excited that at least Monday I did NOT have a temp. Well, my glee was premature...I got it on Tuesday night instead! But I am fine again today so no biggie.
So that was my Monday! All in all, it went very well and I feel energized and confident with what is coming next. I am starting to see some light at the end of this tunnel but am still taking it one day at a time. I feel so blessed with all the love and support from everyone and want you all to know that as part of my meditation every day, I open my heart to receive all the love, prayers, and positive energy being sent to me from near and far. It is an amazing feeling. I truly believe that every little positive thought, prayer, and message of strength finds it's way to me and is helping me to heal.
So this past Monday was the day to see the oncologist and start the bone strengthener. I am still scratching my head a little over this, but the meeting went very well and I was filled with hope and energy by the end. I don't know if he'd had more time to really look at my results and think about my treatment, or if all that focusing on healing and having confidence in my doctors helped (I like to think it did!) but he painted a much more positive picture for my treatment than before. And things can start quickly and some can be done simultaneously. So here's the scoop. The pathology from the surgery showed it was multifocal, lots of crap going on in my breast, even some DCIS. Not a surprise there. It did show that of the 11 lymph nodes removed, 9 had cancer-stuff going on. This surprised my doc because on the PET and the MRI, my lymph nodes didn't light up. So, he says there was stuff in there, but not real active, but we still need to get rid of it. Since I had radiation before on that breast, radiation again had been out of the picture. But Monday he was saying since the lymph nodes are not on the chest wall and since my prior radiation wasn't the whole breast, just directly where the tumor was, we can do radiation again. Ok, cool. But what about the spot on my back, that was next in line for radiation I said. He said, oh we can do it at the same time. No waiting to do one area, and then the other. Sweet! So I'll be like a burger....cook me up on one side, flip me over, and cook me a little more. Sounds good to me!
So on to the liver. Last time he said there was a little change and you may recall I had 3 spots that lit up on my liver. Well, on Monday he says 2 spots are gone (these are the same results mind you...no new tests) and not visible on the PET or the CAT scan. I guess the PET scan provides a simultaneous CAT scan....didn't know that. The CAT shows structures and the PET shows metabolic activity. A tumor will show up on a CAT, and if it's eating lots of sugar it will light up as a hot spot on the PET. So spot #3, the biggest of the 3, no longer shows up as a structure but still lights up on PET. He said this means there's not a mass or tumor, but still some cancerous stuff going on in there. Ok so what do we do about that? Previously he had been talking about treating the liver like a chronic disease with meds and intermittent chemo to keep it at bay but that I probably wasn't a candidate for radiation there. That was the biggest bummer about that previous meeting. But Monday he starts talking about some radial-taxic (or something!) procedure that is a one-time zapping of the spot and that he'll find out where I need to go to get that done since not everyone does it. He had talked about this before, but seemed to have discarded it as an option. The radiation consult could be this week or next and I can get started on that as soon as I am healed enough from the surgery. He said probably 4, maybe 5 weeks of radiation (5 days a week). Six weeks is the usual, and my dad did 7, so I told him I would do seven too if it made a difference! Then I am thinking the radial-taxic whatever could happen right after that. Or maybe during...who knows? I didn't think to ask that question but it sounded like that would be after. Zap me, fry me, do whatever needs to be done!
He also had been talking about starting me on a medication to systemically suppress any estrogen I have left in my body to basically starve the remaining cancer cells. Like Tamoxifen, but for post-menopausal women. So I asked when can I start that, and he looked at his watch and said how long does it take you to get to the pharmacy? So I started the generic of Femara on Monday evening. He also reassured me that the muscle pull like feeling in my thigh is indeed a muscle pull (my thighs were included in all the testing) and that the scan is comprehensive to the knee. Rarely does anything happen below the knee. So that made me feel better. It's really easy to start thinking that every new tweak and pain is a new spot.
So it was just a strange meeting and both Bruce I and were like, this is very different in tone and treatment options than last time but not because of any new results, just seemingly a change in perspective.....but whatever the difference I am so grateful and felt so energized!
After the meeting it was onward into the infusion room to start my bone strengthener. They were slammed and it took awhile to get it started. My favorite infusion nurse was there.....I think I wrote about him in a previous blog when he was subbing at Skyridge. We had to go to Rose on Monday since my doc was leaving town on Tuesday for the rest of the week, he splits his time between Rose and Skyridge. Anyway this nurse was just awful, to me, to my visitors, to everyone. I even had really good veins still back then and he couldn't find one. Now they suck and I was just cringing about him doing my IV. So I am watching him and the lady nurses and it looks like I'm about to be assigned to him. Bruce had stepped out for a minute, so I went over to the two other nurses and asked them if they could take care of me because I had had him down at Skyridge and it was very "unpleasant." I tried to be nice, but assertive. They didn't bat an eye and said no problem. When she came over to get me started I tried to mitigate it a little and said that maybe he was just having a bad day that day, but she muttered something about yea maybe. He did seem nicer to the other patients than he had been at Skyridge, but just something about him. I guess they can't all be amazing.
My infusion went fine, finding a vein was tough but she did and it's a quick drip...about 16 minutes and then a little more for some saline. All went well. She pulled out the IV and it was time to go when I started to feel wrong. Bruce went and got the nurse. My chest tightened, and if I breathed too deep it would trigger coughing. I was coughing some stuff up and just escalating. My doc came in, the nurse started a new IV and they gave me steroids and benedryl. They put oxygen on me. The nurse supervisor came over and held my hand and talked me off the ledge so to speak, another oncologist was standing nearby and my favorite infusion nurse was helping too. I had my eyes closed and was trying to keep my breathing as calm as I could but could hear the flurry of activity around me. It was very scary and I'm still not sure what it was. Typically the drug I was getting doesn't cause an allergic reaction, but they felt that is what it was. Just weird that it was at the end of the infusion. I've also had that happen before, just not to that degree, after every round of chemo. I'd noticed that about 2-3 days post infusion, the nausea would go away but my chest, right in the middle, would feel pressure and I would cough more throughout the day. More of an annoyance than anything else. I talked with my doc about it and they thought it might be heartburn or reflux. Chemo can cause the stomach to create more acid so we tried a few different meds to help with that but I really didn't notice a difference. Bruce said as he watched me, it looked exactly like what he has experienced with a really bad reflux attack. So I don't know what it was. Allergic reaction, weird reflux experience. I hadn't been eating so it makes sense that whatever was in my tummy was just acid and maybe the infusion triggered something. The Benedryl helped tho, but made me very sleepy and kind of clouded over the happy and energized feeling I was having so I was bummed about that. I'm back on the reflux medication so we'll see if that helps anything and I am sure that when I get the bone strengthener again (it's monthly) they'll prime me with benedryl first. Bruce and I were thinking my poor body is probably just so tired of things being pumped into it! That night, the doc said to watch for a temperature. That 5% of people will spike a temp and that's it's nothing to worry about and just treat it with Advil. Each time, the temp will go down and after a few infusions it won't happen anymore. I was so excited that at least Monday I did NOT have a temp. Well, my glee was premature...I got it on Tuesday night instead! But I am fine again today so no biggie.
So that was my Monday! All in all, it went very well and I feel energized and confident with what is coming next. I am starting to see some light at the end of this tunnel but am still taking it one day at a time. I feel so blessed with all the love and support from everyone and want you all to know that as part of my meditation every day, I open my heart to receive all the love, prayers, and positive energy being sent to me from near and far. It is an amazing feeling. I truly believe that every little positive thought, prayer, and message of strength finds it's way to me and is helping me to heal.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Surgery
Hello again. I've been out of commission the past few days but wanted to let you know how surgery went. It's kind of hard to put into words and I'm not sure I've sorted out all the emotions myself. But this past week has probably been one of the worst, if not the worst of my life. Having lost both my parents, I know what pain feels like and I would have said those were the worst weeks of my life. But this has been a very different pain. From hearing the news of my treatment not going as well as expected, to finding a new spot, to just a few days later having a major surgery has been overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted these off since January, but the actual reality of having a body part or parts removed is very challenging to the psyche, especially when you know it's not the feather in the cap of treatment. If this was it, and I knew the cancer was gone like I did with the lumpectomy I'd be dancing in the street! So a whirlwind of emotions combined with not eating made last week a very rough week. But I am trying to rise to the occasion with alternative adjunctive treatments and ways of thinking.
But back to my actual surgery, it all went very well. Even a little faster than they thought. I have various things now dangling from my body which is strange, but I'm already pretty used to it. I have a pain pump, more like a pressurized ball, in a little pouch I keep with me all the time that's connected to some tubing that goes into each breast, well, where there was a breast. Over the course of 2-3 days, it releases pain medication all on it's own so that's pretty cool. Then one each side, I have a drain to draw away the fluid from the chest area that builds up after surgery. These are kind of gross and hang from my sides like little squeezey grenades. I have to empty them every few hours and track how much I'm draining. When I get down to a certain amount in a 24 hour period, the doc will take them out. Takes 10 days to 3 weeks generally so we'll see. They're kind of obnoxious, and I guess when I get my energy up and go out somewhere I can pin them under my clothes so the world doesn't have to see. I'm pretty gross in general right now....no shower in 3 days! They want to take the pain pump out first. Even still, I'm not in a big rush to take the compression bra off and really see what's going on in there. The breasts feel like they are still there, but clearly they are not.
Staying overnight in the hospital is mandatory for this, and I had to stay an extra day because I had a fever and a wonky white blood cell count. They took a chest xray and urinalysis prior to surgery looking for infection, but didn't find anything. My WBC was super high, which usually means a big infection but I had a shot of Neulasta a few days before because it was low, so they decided it had just done it's job really well and over-pumped me with white blood cells. That count came down, but the fever persisted and got a little higher. So they kept me another night, gave me intravenous antibiotics and early Saturday morning it came down to 98 and stayed there so they sent me home. I think my body just reacts to surgery like that, I always get a temp after. But better safe than sorry and it/s a REALLY nice hospital, like a resort, so I didn't mind the extra night. But I was ready to come home too. It's hard to sleep in those places between them checking your vitals, hanging your antibiotic, drawing blood, etc all night!
It's hard not to think about what's next and that's been the most emotional for me. I broke down before the surgery while being prepped and I think everyone thought it was nerves before the surgery. It wasn't. Maybe a little but I just couldn't believe where I was, what was happening, and what was going to happen next. Finally they let Bruce come back to the prep area and holding his hand gave me strength. We see the oncologist tomorrow for the new plan so I am eager to hear what he says and eager to present what I would like to see happen too. I am working on attacking this from all sides and as aggressively as possible. I am so grateful for all the support I have been getting for some of the new things I am trying. It would be easy to laugh and think she's crazy, but everyone has been very positive and supportive of whatever I do. Near and far, friends and family are creating their own positive imagery of my battle and I think that is huge. All hands on deck to fight off this beast!
The last thing I want to say was while I was in the hospital, I allowed myself to be taken care of, completely. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to. And having people stop by to visit, bring treats or flowers, deliver flowers to my back yard, offer to stay overnight, and send me messages online was a salve to my wounds, physically and emotionally and for that I am forever grateful. I didn't take my computer to the hospital, so got the messages and posts when I got home but to hear and feel all the love that was out there for my during my surgery was very moving to me.
So for tomorrow, send your faith to my doctor and believe like I do that whatever comes next is going to work and kick this crap to the curb.
But back to my actual surgery, it all went very well. Even a little faster than they thought. I have various things now dangling from my body which is strange, but I'm already pretty used to it. I have a pain pump, more like a pressurized ball, in a little pouch I keep with me all the time that's connected to some tubing that goes into each breast, well, where there was a breast. Over the course of 2-3 days, it releases pain medication all on it's own so that's pretty cool. Then one each side, I have a drain to draw away the fluid from the chest area that builds up after surgery. These are kind of gross and hang from my sides like little squeezey grenades. I have to empty them every few hours and track how much I'm draining. When I get down to a certain amount in a 24 hour period, the doc will take them out. Takes 10 days to 3 weeks generally so we'll see. They're kind of obnoxious, and I guess when I get my energy up and go out somewhere I can pin them under my clothes so the world doesn't have to see. I'm pretty gross in general right now....no shower in 3 days! They want to take the pain pump out first. Even still, I'm not in a big rush to take the compression bra off and really see what's going on in there. The breasts feel like they are still there, but clearly they are not.
Staying overnight in the hospital is mandatory for this, and I had to stay an extra day because I had a fever and a wonky white blood cell count. They took a chest xray and urinalysis prior to surgery looking for infection, but didn't find anything. My WBC was super high, which usually means a big infection but I had a shot of Neulasta a few days before because it was low, so they decided it had just done it's job really well and over-pumped me with white blood cells. That count came down, but the fever persisted and got a little higher. So they kept me another night, gave me intravenous antibiotics and early Saturday morning it came down to 98 and stayed there so they sent me home. I think my body just reacts to surgery like that, I always get a temp after. But better safe than sorry and it/s a REALLY nice hospital, like a resort, so I didn't mind the extra night. But I was ready to come home too. It's hard to sleep in those places between them checking your vitals, hanging your antibiotic, drawing blood, etc all night!
It's hard not to think about what's next and that's been the most emotional for me. I broke down before the surgery while being prepped and I think everyone thought it was nerves before the surgery. It wasn't. Maybe a little but I just couldn't believe where I was, what was happening, and what was going to happen next. Finally they let Bruce come back to the prep area and holding his hand gave me strength. We see the oncologist tomorrow for the new plan so I am eager to hear what he says and eager to present what I would like to see happen too. I am working on attacking this from all sides and as aggressively as possible. I am so grateful for all the support I have been getting for some of the new things I am trying. It would be easy to laugh and think she's crazy, but everyone has been very positive and supportive of whatever I do. Near and far, friends and family are creating their own positive imagery of my battle and I think that is huge. All hands on deck to fight off this beast!
The last thing I want to say was while I was in the hospital, I allowed myself to be taken care of, completely. I did what I wanted, when I wanted to. And having people stop by to visit, bring treats or flowers, deliver flowers to my back yard, offer to stay overnight, and send me messages online was a salve to my wounds, physically and emotionally and for that I am forever grateful. I didn't take my computer to the hospital, so got the messages and posts when I got home but to hear and feel all the love that was out there for my during my surgery was very moving to me.
So for tomorrow, send your faith to my doctor and believe like I do that whatever comes next is going to work and kick this crap to the curb.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Surgery!
Finally. Surgery time! I have wanted this thing off since January so I am eager to see it go. They call it the "primary source of disease" but I call it the mothership. Once the mothership is gone, I can really focus in on the remaining areas of disease and direct ALL my energies to those spots. So this is just a short blog to let you all know surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. I have had what I consider 2 good omens on this. First when I called on Friday to get on the surgical schedule they said they didn't have an opening til June 2 and my stomach about fell to the floor. I can't wait that long. So, I asked the scheduler if it was possible there was anything sooner and she looked again and found May 17, which was the very next time the surgeon was operating. Apparently it wasn't a day she was originally supposed to be working so the scheduler didn't look at it at first. But she is doing surgery that day and could add me in. So it was set for 12:30. Today they called and asked if I could come in earlier and have the surgery at 8am. So it's only 4 1/2 hours sooner, but still feels like a good omen to me. Wish me luck and healing tomorrow and I'll be back to writing when I can.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
More fighting to come
Well, I might as well get this out there. I had a PET scan and an MRI last Monday and met with the doctor on Thursday for results. Unfortunately, not the good news we'd hoped for. The breast showed a little change. The liver also showed a little change, which confirms it is wayward breast cancer. But a new spot on my spine showed up. Very disheartening to think it could still spread while I was on chemo and I am very disappointed with how the chemo went. To feel like crap for 3 1/2 months with very little change, well I am sure you can imagine. So the next step is still the surgery to get the mothership, as I like to call it, finally off my body. Then, they'll work on the spot on my spine. They'll give me a bone strengthener and radiation. It's 95% effective so that's encouraging. My liver will have to wait a little longer and we're not sure what to do about that. They may have to try and manage it more medically as I may not be a candidate for radiation if they irradiate my back I guess. I don't know. It's all very confusing and discouraging. But I am really trying hard to keep focused on my wellness and I am exploring other additional things I can do to support the traditional treatment. Since chemo didn't work so hot for me this time, I feel like it can't hurt to try other things! I have already been doing Reiki since this started and my Reiki therapist has been an angel with her support and resources. She suggested I try turmeric and green tea extract so after reading up on both, those are now part of my daily regimen. I've been doing a lot of guided meditation focused on healing. I am also looking at other things I can do to take charge of my treatment and my body. So I've got more of a fight ahead of me than I was hoping for but I have amazing family and friends and a tremendous circle of support that humbles me every day. So one step at a time, we'll move forward. Please don't dwell in dark places when you think of me, think positively about my wellness. The energy from positive thinking and prayer is so powerful, but dark thinking can be just as impactful so let's all focus on wellness!
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