Monday, Monday......

So we went on Monday to see the oncologist, get the pathology results from the surgery, and start some treatment. My last visit with the oncologist didn't go so great, so I have been working very hard on changing my attitude, changing my thoughts, and opening myself up to alternative treatments to support my recovery. Not that what the oncologist said was bad, but it just wasn't as good as I had hoped. So I dived into meditation (which I love like an addiction now), added turmeric and green tea extract to my daily regimen, and have been reading and doing a lot of soul-searching, literally. I have been really focused on healing and embracing all the healing thoughts, prayers, and positive energies sent my way in a very intentional way. And, trying to figure out what is missing in my life that allowed cancer to sneak back in. Focusing 24/7 on healing is exhausting, and soon I hope to find more balance, but that's where I was last week. After the brief euphoria of the surgery was over, I felt myself slipping into gloominess again and had to fight my way back. Like I said, exhausting.

So this past Monday was the day to see the oncologist and start the bone strengthener. I am still scratching my head a little over this, but the meeting went very well and I was filled with hope and energy by the end. I don't know if he'd had more time to really look at my results and think about my treatment, or if all that focusing on healing and having confidence in my doctors helped (I like to think it did!) but he painted a much more positive picture for my treatment than before. And things can start quickly and some can be done simultaneously. So here's the scoop. The pathology from the surgery showed it was multifocal, lots of crap going on in my breast, even some DCIS. Not a surprise there. It did show that of the 11 lymph nodes removed, 9 had cancer-stuff going on. This surprised my doc because on the PET and the MRI, my lymph nodes didn't light up. So, he says there was stuff in there, but not real active, but we still need to get rid of it. Since I had radiation before on that breast, radiation again had been out of the picture. But Monday he was saying since the lymph nodes are not on the chest wall and since my prior radiation wasn't the whole breast, just directly where the tumor was, we can do radiation again. Ok, cool. But what about the spot on my back, that was next in line for radiation I said. He said, oh we can do it at the same time. No waiting to do one area, and then the other. Sweet! So I'll be like a burger....cook me up on one side, flip me over, and cook me a little more. Sounds good to me!

So on to the liver. Last time he said there was a little change and you may recall I had 3 spots that lit up on my liver. Well, on Monday he says 2 spots are gone (these are the same results mind you...no new tests) and not visible on the PET or the CAT scan. I guess the PET scan provides a simultaneous CAT scan....didn't know that. The CAT shows structures and the PET shows metabolic activity. A tumor will show up on a CAT, and if it's eating lots of sugar it will light up as a hot spot on the PET. So spot #3, the biggest of the 3, no longer shows up as a structure but still lights up on PET. He said this means there's not a mass or tumor, but still some cancerous stuff going on in there. Ok so what do we do about that? Previously he had been talking about treating the liver like a chronic disease with meds and intermittent chemo to keep it at bay but that I probably wasn't a candidate for radiation there. That was the biggest bummer about that previous meeting. But Monday he starts talking about some radial-taxic (or something!) procedure that is a one-time zapping of the spot and that he'll find out where I need to go to get that done since not everyone does it. He had talked about this before, but seemed to have discarded it as an option. The radiation consult could be this week or next and I can get started on that as soon as I am healed enough from the surgery. He said probably 4, maybe 5 weeks of radiation (5 days a week). Six weeks is the usual, and my dad did 7, so I told him I would do seven too if it made a difference!  Then I am thinking the radial-taxic whatever could happen right after that. Or maybe during...who knows? I didn't think to ask that question but it sounded like that would be after. Zap me, fry me, do whatever needs to be done!

He also had been talking about starting me on a medication to systemically suppress any estrogen I have left in my body to basically starve the remaining cancer cells. Like Tamoxifen, but for post-menopausal women. So I asked when can I start that, and he looked at his watch and said how long does it take you to get to the pharmacy? So I started the generic of Femara on Monday evening. He also reassured me that the muscle pull like feeling in my thigh is indeed a muscle pull (my thighs were included in all the testing) and that the scan is comprehensive to the knee. Rarely does anything happen below the knee. So that made me feel better. It's really easy to start thinking that every new tweak and pain is a new spot.

So it was just a strange meeting and both Bruce I and were like, this is very different in tone and treatment options than last time but not because of any new results, just seemingly a change in perspective.....but whatever the difference I am so grateful and felt so energized!

After the meeting it was onward into the infusion room to start my bone strengthener. They were slammed and it took awhile to get it started. My favorite infusion nurse was there.....I think I wrote about him in a previous blog when he was subbing at Skyridge. We had to go to Rose on Monday since my doc was leaving town on Tuesday for the rest of the week, he splits his time between Rose and Skyridge. Anyway this nurse was just awful, to me, to my visitors, to everyone. I even had really good veins still back then and he couldn't find one. Now they suck and I was just cringing about him doing my IV.  So I am watching him and the lady nurses and it looks like I'm about to be assigned to him. Bruce had stepped out for a minute, so I went over to the two other nurses and asked them if they could take care of me because I had had him down at Skyridge and it was very "unpleasant." I tried to be nice, but assertive. They didn't bat an eye and said no problem. When she came over to get me started I tried to mitigate it a little and said that maybe he was just having a bad day that day, but she muttered something about yea maybe. He did seem nicer to the other patients than he had been at Skyridge, but just something about him. I guess they can't all be amazing.

My infusion went fine, finding a vein was tough but she did and it's a quick drip...about 16 minutes and then a little more for some saline. All went well. She pulled out the IV and it was time to go when I started to feel wrong. Bruce went and got the nurse. My chest tightened, and if I breathed too deep it would trigger coughing. I was coughing some stuff up and just escalating. My doc came in, the nurse started a new IV and they gave me steroids and benedryl. They put oxygen on me. The nurse supervisor came over and held my hand and talked me off the ledge so to speak, another oncologist was standing nearby and my favorite infusion nurse was helping too. I had my eyes closed and was trying to keep my breathing as calm as I could but could hear the flurry of activity around me. It was very scary and I'm still not sure what it was. Typically the drug I was getting doesn't cause an allergic reaction, but they felt that is what it was. Just weird that it was at the end of the infusion. I've also had that happen before, just not to that degree, after every round of chemo. I'd noticed that about 2-3 days post infusion, the nausea would go away but my chest, right in the middle, would feel pressure and I would cough more throughout the day. More of an annoyance than anything else. I talked with my doc about it and they thought it might be heartburn or reflux. Chemo can cause the stomach to create more acid so we tried a few different meds to help with that but I really didn't notice a difference. Bruce said as he watched me, it looked exactly like what he has experienced with a really bad reflux attack. So I don't know what it was. Allergic reaction, weird reflux experience. I hadn't been eating so it makes sense that whatever was in my tummy was just acid and maybe the infusion triggered something. The Benedryl helped tho, but made me very sleepy and kind of clouded over the happy and energized feeling  I was having so I was bummed about that. I'm back on the reflux medication so we'll see if that helps anything and I am sure that when I get the bone strengthener again (it's monthly) they'll prime me with benedryl first. Bruce and I were thinking my poor body is probably just so tired of things being pumped into it! That night, the doc said to watch for a temperature. That 5% of people will spike a temp and that's it's nothing to worry about and just treat it with Advil. Each time, the temp will go down and after a few infusions it won't happen anymore. I was so excited that at least Monday I did NOT have a temp. Well, my glee was premature...I got it on Tuesday night instead! But I am fine again today so no biggie.

So that was my Monday! All in all, it went very well and I feel energized and confident with what is coming next. I am starting to see some light at the end of this tunnel but am still taking it one day at a time. I feel so blessed with all the love and support from everyone and want you all to know that as part of my meditation every day, I open my heart to receive all the love, prayers, and positive energy being sent to me from near and far. It is an amazing feeling. I truly believe that every little positive thought, prayer, and message of strength finds it's way to me and is helping me to heal.